When Doves Cry

 

 Have you ever had a splinter?

I used to get them all the time; especially when I jumped over the fence while we played ‘Lord of the Rings’ as kids.

I had forgotten all about the agonising pain of them until this weekend when a little sucker magically showed up in my foot. Not cool.

As any logical person does I got most of the splint of wood out ASAP. But then, lazy Aspen decided to show up and I couldn’t be bothered getting the last little bit out.

Anyway later on it started to get infected and became more of a nuisance than it had originally been.

Once I finally plucked up the courage to dig out the remains of wood, it dawned on me that in a weird kind of way this splinter was a reflection of my past few weeks.

 Where are you going with this, Aspen?

Well a few weeks ago I chose to a make some decisions which weren’t exactly the best for me.

I probably should clarify what I mean by ‘decisions’.

As you may know I spent a majority of my teenage years, stuck in the all too familiar world of insecurity, lacking any sense of value and worth. However earlier this year I was really shaken up with the unanswered questions:

 Where and who, had ever said I was unworthy?

After finding refuge and identity in the only One that had been constant the whole time. My identity felt pretty sweet; the places that were previously filled with worry, bitterness and insecurity where exchanged for grace, peace and joy.

Now I don’t know why but since then I have become more aware of what I ‘fill’ myself with.

Eg: filtering what magazines I chose to read, time I spend of FB, Instagram, Twitter, Keek, Vine……yeah you get what I mean.

 

Okay cool story bro, why are you telling me this?

Why I tell you this is because in the last month all of that, my identity, has been challenged.

Like that splinter, I made decisions which seemed minor, choosing to absorb magazines that I knew would make me feel like rubbish. I was completely aware of what I was doing, but brushed it off saying “it won’t affect me.”

From that small choice my self-esteem and identity were ripped out from underneath me. Feeling distant and unworthy to even turn to God, my worth and value plummeted to a new low.

Which is why I didn’t write any blog posts. I didn’t feel worthy enough to do so; I didn’t feel like I had anything to offer you so silence and withdrawing altogether became my go-to option.

 

So where’s the silver lining in all this?

Like that splinter, it got to the point where my choices were becoming detrimental to not just me, but others.

Reality check hit, and I got pulled up big time.

I have certainly been humbled in all this and like I did with the splinter, I’ve had to revisit the wound/infection and clean it out so that it can heal properly.

 

BUT:

I’m not the only one who goes through these tricky times. That I know for a fact.

Which got me thinking, what about you? Instead of me dishing out advice; I’d love to know what golden truths you have got (everyone has something cool to share, so don’t shake your head and say “no I don’t know any.”)

 I mean:

·         What do you do in hard times?

·         Who you turn to when you’re feeling low? Friends and Family, or Acquaintances and people that don’t challenge you?

·         How do you get back after those tricky times in life?

 

I LOVE hearing from you and look forward to it.