When Doves Cry

 

 Have you ever had a splinter?

I used to get them all the time; especially when I jumped over the fence while we played ‘Lord of the Rings’ as kids.

I had forgotten all about the agonising pain of them until this weekend when a little sucker magically showed up in my foot. Not cool.

As any logical person does I got most of the splint of wood out ASAP. But then, lazy Aspen decided to show up and I couldn’t be bothered getting the last little bit out.

Anyway later on it started to get infected and became more of a nuisance than it had originally been.

Once I finally plucked up the courage to dig out the remains of wood, it dawned on me that in a weird kind of way this splinter was a reflection of my past few weeks.

 Where are you going with this, Aspen?

Well a few weeks ago I chose to a make some decisions which weren’t exactly the best for me.

I probably should clarify what I mean by ‘decisions’.

As you may know I spent a majority of my teenage years, stuck in the all too familiar world of insecurity, lacking any sense of value and worth. However earlier this year I was really shaken up with the unanswered questions:

 Where and who, had ever said I was unworthy?

After finding refuge and identity in the only One that had been constant the whole time. My identity felt pretty sweet; the places that were previously filled with worry, bitterness and insecurity where exchanged for grace, peace and joy.

Now I don’t know why but since then I have become more aware of what I ‘fill’ myself with.

Eg: filtering what magazines I chose to read, time I spend of FB, Instagram, Twitter, Keek, Vine……yeah you get what I mean.

 

Okay cool story bro, why are you telling me this?

Why I tell you this is because in the last month all of that, my identity, has been challenged.

Like that splinter, I made decisions which seemed minor, choosing to absorb magazines that I knew would make me feel like rubbish. I was completely aware of what I was doing, but brushed it off saying “it won’t affect me.”

From that small choice my self-esteem and identity were ripped out from underneath me. Feeling distant and unworthy to even turn to God, my worth and value plummeted to a new low.

Which is why I didn’t write any blog posts. I didn’t feel worthy enough to do so; I didn’t feel like I had anything to offer you so silence and withdrawing altogether became my go-to option.

 

So where’s the silver lining in all this?

Like that splinter, it got to the point where my choices were becoming detrimental to not just me, but others.

Reality check hit, and I got pulled up big time.

I have certainly been humbled in all this and like I did with the splinter, I’ve had to revisit the wound/infection and clean it out so that it can heal properly.

 

BUT:

I’m not the only one who goes through these tricky times. That I know for a fact.

Which got me thinking, what about you? Instead of me dishing out advice; I’d love to know what golden truths you have got (everyone has something cool to share, so don’t shake your head and say “no I don’t know any.”)

 I mean:

·         What do you do in hard times?

·         Who you turn to when you’re feeling low? Friends and Family, or Acquaintances and people that don’t challenge you?

·         How do you get back after those tricky times in life?

 

I LOVE hearing from you and look forward to it.

Oh Honey boo boo

Child-like faith. Mark 10:13-16 talks about this idea of having a 'child-like faith' when it comes to our relationship to God, but to be quite frank what is this kind of faith??

Often I thought it referred to maintain a 'child-like' mentality in which conversations with God consisted of 'baby talk' eg: turn to him for provision, wants, needs, desires etc. This is true and should totally be done as well, but when I began to think about it, it doesn't leave a lot of room for growth.

 

As we grow up our child-like faith also grows.

Okay, I'll try and make this a bit more clear cause it probably doesn't make a lot of sense at the moment.

Thought: What if what Jesus was talking about in regards to faith, wasn't about having an immature, needy faith, but child-like in sense that when we see God and see his will done we are bewildered and in genuine awe.

              Eg: a child has such an innocence in which everything in the world around them is new and  

                     exciting. They don't take for granted the small things like 'Choo choo trains' or 'trees.'

                     Even the most simplest of things are incredible.

SO if we look at it like that, maybe what 'child-like' faith is, is seeing the small everyday things God has done and being amazed and appreciative of it. What if we got excited about the small things rather than focus on the massive 'experience' or miracle we expect God to bring along?

In a nutshell, child-like faith is being appreciative for the small things which may seem mundane, and well ordinary. However it is in those things where more of God's massive character is revealed.

Try not to measure God simply on how big the 'experience' is, for even those 'experiences' limit who God truly is, and is only reveals an ever so small portion of who he is.

So there was this guy...

This is kind of a different blog post, instead of being a humorous and light hearted topic.

 

(If you've decided to continue reading, good on you you obviously enjoy reading blogs or feel sorry for me.)

 

I'll just start, I guess.

Dear person reading this who I may not know or may never meet, (but hi to you anyway,)

I am writing this letter to  you. Right now, I don't know where you are in life, what struggles you face or what merry things have flooded into your world. Maybe you have had a new cousin, daugther, baby, or maybe you just found out you've won the lotto (if you have feel free to donate a worthy charity aka. myuniversityfees.com*).

I say these next things out of love. As I said earlier, I don't know where you are in life, but regardless I want you to know that just the thought of knowing you have to endure hard times, breaks my heart. I wish I could take all the pain and hurt away. Yet despite that, I want to acknowledge to you and say that I am so proud of you for getting through the tough times. You are a real trooper.

May I boldly say, and know, that you have an absolute purpose and reason for being where you are. It may be hard, hell it may be so hard you doubt whether you can actually get through it. But I want to remind you, that you are unique, their is NO ONE else on this earth like you. We tend to compare ourselves to people and say things like "that persons better than me at....or that person looks just like me, but I'm not as..." but the reality is that, that comparison can be such a toxic wasteland. It tries to make you think you aren't good enough, you could never be good enough. But you are good enough.

Lets step back for a sec...okay. Now, what sort of things do you enjoy doing? What things would you say you were good at, regardless of what others have said or told you, why do you do those things?
The reality is you are so uniquely designed for a purpose. Martin Luther King wasn't a Mother Theresa, he probably wouldn't have been half as good as Mother Theresa because he was good at public speaking, Mother Theresa on the other hand had a servants heart. Although they were both inspirational people they were needed we they were placed. Their personalities fitted the roles, and they flourished. So I guess were I trying to get at, is that you too, have a purpose, you are needed. I don't know to what scale (community, world, country, city or maybe even one person) but regardless you are needed and valued. It is only when we look for success in others success's that we feel disappointed and unworthy.

Now I don't want you to read these words and feel I am speaking to someone else, these words are meant for you. This is not some 'airy-fairy inspirational letter' I copy and pasted from somewhere on the web (even though that would have a been a whole lot easier). Every word I have said isn't coming from some superficial 'feel good' place either. I haven't written this for your approval or for acknowledgement. This has purely been written to give you a bit of hope and remind you how valued you are. Why do we wait until we pass away before nice things can be said about us? And so that is what this is. Its an acknowledgement and a thank you for being you.

Finally the last thing I wanna say:

If you feel like you're at the end of it, metaphorically, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and you feel like you can't fight for yourself. Try fighting for someone else.

Much love,
A friend.

(*not actual website, from what I know...yeah.)

True Beauty?

Sexy. Hot. Pretty. Gorgeous. Stunning. Cute. 

Words we all hope to be described as in one way or another. However recently I was really challenged with the idea of why is it we hardly call people beautiful?  Why is being beautiful any different.

It got me pondering and I realised that those words 'sexy, hot, pretty etc' are solely based on the outward appearance and as I began to mull over it, the more I began to realise what shallow words they really were.

BUT what I have found interesting is this word beautiful. I don't know about you but if I were to class someone as 'beautiful' I often take into consideration not just their outward appearance, but also their heart (are they nice people, do they care about others, do they  care about themselves etc). Which really got me thinking what is beauty? Why is it so hard to find genuinely beautiful people?

The way I thought of it was like this:

•  The titles 'pretty, sexy, cute etc' require you to meet an expectation. You have to possess qualities associated with that attribute. Cute= petite, child like persona, sexy= vivacious, alluring etc.
• However beauty, true beauty can be attained. It doesn't require anything of you that you don't already have. Each person has beauty it is instilled in you. Its always there, but it can been hidden and concealed. True beauty is when one is confident in themselves, recognises their uniqueness and embraces it.

Take at look at yourself (cheesy self reflection thing, I know):

• Your gift of the gab
•  your compassionate side
•  your love for gaming
• helping others
• reading books
• driving cars, whatever things you love to do that make you, you, are awesome!!!

The common cliche 'if everyone in the world were just themselves the world would be a beautiful place,' although it is majorly cheesy,  imagine how cool it would be if everyone embraced themselves instead of resenting themselves. SO everyone who had a desire or dream, were actually living out those dreams.

So why is that put so much pressure on being 'labelled' as sexy, hot, whatever and not as much time on just be the best possible 'you' you could be. You are the most beautiful you when you are your true self.

Just a bit of food for thought.