When Doves Cry

 

 Have you ever had a splinter?

I used to get them all the time; especially when I jumped over the fence while we played ‘Lord of the Rings’ as kids.

I had forgotten all about the agonising pain of them until this weekend when a little sucker magically showed up in my foot. Not cool.

As any logical person does I got most of the splint of wood out ASAP. But then, lazy Aspen decided to show up and I couldn’t be bothered getting the last little bit out.

Anyway later on it started to get infected and became more of a nuisance than it had originally been.

Once I finally plucked up the courage to dig out the remains of wood, it dawned on me that in a weird kind of way this splinter was a reflection of my past few weeks.

 Where are you going with this, Aspen?

Well a few weeks ago I chose to a make some decisions which weren’t exactly the best for me.

I probably should clarify what I mean by ‘decisions’.

As you may know I spent a majority of my teenage years, stuck in the all too familiar world of insecurity, lacking any sense of value and worth. However earlier this year I was really shaken up with the unanswered questions:

 Where and who, had ever said I was unworthy?

After finding refuge and identity in the only One that had been constant the whole time. My identity felt pretty sweet; the places that were previously filled with worry, bitterness and insecurity where exchanged for grace, peace and joy.

Now I don’t know why but since then I have become more aware of what I ‘fill’ myself with.

Eg: filtering what magazines I chose to read, time I spend of FB, Instagram, Twitter, Keek, Vine……yeah you get what I mean.

 

Okay cool story bro, why are you telling me this?

Why I tell you this is because in the last month all of that, my identity, has been challenged.

Like that splinter, I made decisions which seemed minor, choosing to absorb magazines that I knew would make me feel like rubbish. I was completely aware of what I was doing, but brushed it off saying “it won’t affect me.”

From that small choice my self-esteem and identity were ripped out from underneath me. Feeling distant and unworthy to even turn to God, my worth and value plummeted to a new low.

Which is why I didn’t write any blog posts. I didn’t feel worthy enough to do so; I didn’t feel like I had anything to offer you so silence and withdrawing altogether became my go-to option.

 

So where’s the silver lining in all this?

Like that splinter, it got to the point where my choices were becoming detrimental to not just me, but others.

Reality check hit, and I got pulled up big time.

I have certainly been humbled in all this and like I did with the splinter, I’ve had to revisit the wound/infection and clean it out so that it can heal properly.

 

BUT:

I’m not the only one who goes through these tricky times. That I know for a fact.

Which got me thinking, what about you? Instead of me dishing out advice; I’d love to know what golden truths you have got (everyone has something cool to share, so don’t shake your head and say “no I don’t know any.”)

 I mean:

·         What do you do in hard times?

·         Who you turn to when you’re feeling low? Friends and Family, or Acquaintances and people that don’t challenge you?

·         How do you get back after those tricky times in life?

 

I LOVE hearing from you and look forward to it.

Not a God to FIND praise, a God TO BE praised.

Not a God to FIND praise, a God TO BE praised.

I’m very narcissistic. I get very proud and arrogant. I love to receive praise and I even plead for praise from God.

It’s painful, because it is true and sometimes truth may taste bitter at first , but that is just the medicine part required before deeper healing can occur.  

This post is a bit different and I’m gonna give it to you pretty straight because in reality, we (I) tend to fluff things up,  make them sound pretty and nice, so be prepared. Here we go.

 

God has a purpose. A plan so big, so endearing. He is at work, in fact it is happening right now as we speak. The restoration of his kingdom. However….

Reality check numero uno:

·         It’s not actually ALL about us.

We ARE important, to a certain extent. Mercy and Grace, two words chucked around Christian circles a lot; words which encompass a small fraction of God’s character. But to be perfectly honest, in sermons and talks I find they always appear as superficial words. Words with little substance, just chucked in to paint a cool picture of God. Labels. However, what if those words contain something far more personal than what we first perceive.

Look at it like this:

·         A farmer one day decides to bring in an apprentice, someone who he’ll train up in hopes that eventually, he (the apprentice) can run the farm.

·         As the apprentice is being trained up he will often refer back to the farmer asking for his approval, double checking that what he is doing is right.

·         However, after 6-12 months on the job you’d imagine the apprentice would be pretty clued up on what to do (or at least have a general understanding of what to do).

·         However, wouldn’t it seem odd if, after 12 months of working this apprentice, continued to refer back to the farmer in the same manner he did when he was being trained up? I imagine it would really test the farmer’s patience, particularly when you consider the time taken to walk back and find the farmer. Time which could be spent working. In all honesty, I imagine the farmer’s probably thought a few times, “why don’t I just do the job myself?”

Why doesn’t he?

That my friend is mercy.

Despite the Lord having the capacity to do it (restore his kingdom on earth), he chooses us. His grace and mercy is a tangible reflection of his patience towards us. Even though we doubt and question EVERYTHING about God, he still chooses us. He still chooses to make time for us. Can you imagine how frustrating (if God was a human with limited human characteristics) that would be.

1.       This reflects exactly why God is God and we are not. WE are far too limited. So limited in our understanding of grace and mercy, that even when a God so abundantly merciful is standing right in front of us, we don’t even see it. (PS: I share this because it’s totally something God is revealing to me as well. Certainly don’t have this down pact yet, may never, nonetheless he is pulling me up on this too.)

In our western culture, it is difficult to not perceive ourselves as God. Our culture thrives off, it’s created from it; making us believe we are the most important thing out. So much so that our thinking towards death is “if we are gone what will happen in this world, ‘the world will forever be ruined.’” I reckon it’s chasing after those things, ourselves, which make us forgettable. Only the ones who chased after something beyond themselves are the ones remembered, yet even then, that in itself is insignificant.

What if….we were to live a life for Him. A life far from boring and mundane.

Want a life of remembrance; lived to its capacity?

1.       It starts with submission and surrender- realising that actually we ARE blessed. God could easily complete his plan right now if he wanted to, but he is PATIENT, teaching us and using us, mere humans, selfish beings, to reflect HIM.

2.       A radical life is understanding that there will be sacrifice and suffering. Realistically in every aspect of life these elements will pop up:

·         Sacrifice

·         Suffering

The question is whether we think God is worth making a sacrifice and suffering for. If not, then what is?

I don’t know about you, but I would much rather live each day radically, uncertain of what will happen in my day, but certain of who I live for, then live the stereotypical ‘Sunday attending church’ life.

Imagine if each of us recognised that we are a part of something significant, the picture of  ‘Christianity’ would look a little different. We ourselves aren’t the ones that define that significance, we just have the choice and opportunity to facilitate in that significance: seeing GOD (not us) be exalted. In whatever form that may be.

Just some food for thought.