I used to
get them all the time; especially when I jumped over the fence while we played ‘Lord
of the Rings’ as kids.
I had forgotten
all about the agonising pain of them until this weekend when a little sucker
magically showed up in my foot. Not cool.
As any
logical person does I got most of the splint of wood out ASAP. But then, lazy
Aspen decided to show up and I couldn’t be bothered getting the last little bit
out.
Anyway later
on it started to get infected and became more of a nuisance than it had originally
been.
Once I
finally plucked up the courage to dig out the remains of wood, it dawned on me
that in a weird kind of way this splinter was a reflection of my past few
weeks.
Well a few
weeks ago I chose to a make some decisions which weren’t exactly the best for
me.
I probably
should clarify what I mean by ‘decisions’.
As you may
know I spent a majority of my teenage years, stuck in the all too familiar
world of insecurity, lacking any sense of value and worth. However earlier this
year I was really shaken up with the unanswered questions:
Where and who, had ever
said I was unworthy?
After
finding refuge and identity in the only One that had been constant the whole
time. My identity felt pretty sweet; the places that were previously filled
with worry, bitterness and insecurity where exchanged for grace, peace and joy.
Now I don’t
know why but since then I have become more aware of what I ‘fill’ myself with.
Eg:
filtering what magazines I chose to read, time I spend of FB, Instagram,
Twitter, Keek, Vine……yeah you get what I mean.
Why I tell
you this is because in the last month all of that, my identity, has been
challenged.
Like that
splinter, I made decisions which seemed minor, choosing to absorb magazines
that I knew would make me feel like rubbish. I was completely aware of what I
was doing, but brushed it off saying “it won’t affect me.”
From that
small choice my self-esteem and identity were ripped out from underneath me.
Feeling distant and unworthy to even turn to God, my worth and value plummeted
to a new low.
Which is why
I didn’t write any blog posts. I didn’t feel worthy enough to do so; I didn’t feel
like I had anything to offer you so silence and withdrawing altogether became my
go-to option.
So where’s the silver lining in all
this?
Like that
splinter, it got to the point where my choices were becoming detrimental to not
just me, but others.
Reality check hit, and I got pulled
up big time.
I have
certainly been humbled in all this and like I did with the splinter, I’ve had
to revisit the wound/infection and clean it out so that it can heal properly.
BUT:
I’m not the
only one who goes through these tricky times. That I know for a fact.
Which got me
thinking, what about you? Instead of me dishing out advice; I’d love to know what
golden truths you have got (everyone has something cool to share, so don’t shake
your head and say “no I don’t know any.”)
I mean:
·
What
do you do in hard times?
·
Who
you turn to when you’re feeling low? Friends and Family, or Acquaintances and
people that don’t challenge you?
·
How
do you get back after those tricky times in life?
I LOVE
hearing from you and look forward to it.