"I love being Single," said no one....ever.

“I love being Single,” said no one….ever.

 

“I sooooooo want a boyfriend! Someone who I can snuggle up to, and go on cute dates with, and who I can win against in an arm wrestle (because they let me), it would just be so awesome.”

 Now I imagine if you’re anything like me…human? Then there’s a high chance at some point in your life, you’ve been through it, let’s just name it for what it is; the desperate, single moments. Those beautiful moments when you look around and it seems everyone else is in a relationship, and it looks so cute; like they’re off in some fluffy land in the clouds, and then you come back to reality and realise you’re still here. Stuck on the ground, in the rain. Drenched. And alone.

 “Wow thanks,” I imagine you’re saying right now to your pet gecko, “that makes me feel so good about myself.”

But wait, don’t leave yet, I promise there is a silver lining in all this. Trust me.

 

You see, over summer one of my beautiful, a VERY attractive AND still on the market (ultimate wing woman 101), friend and I spontaneously came up with this game called “I’m happy I’m single because… (Insert the cool things you can do if you’re single here):

eg:

 I’m happy I’m single because it means I can go to the cinemas and throw popcorn at couples, who get too PDA-ish and it’s not immature because I’m not trying to impress anyone.

Or

I’m happy I’m single because it means I can go out to dinner half an hour earlier, because I won’t be helping my fashionless boyfriend find SOMETHING else to wear.

And on it goes….

But what was cool about the game was realising that being single ACTUALLY has it perks! Yes it is harder when all your friends are in a relationship or people around you have their little romantic ‘things,’ but I’m coming to learn that realistically, as fun as those things may appear and are, they require a lot of work, time and effort.

Which is why I made a list (love lists), about just some of the perks of Singledom:

1.      Singledom is honestly awesome. It’s a cool period of time where you get to work on you. You get to piece together what you like and what you don’t like. What your passions are. What you want to be when you’re older, and all those important factors.

2.      It is the perfect time to establish and grow into your identity, and being honest, a great time to learn to love yourself. Yes, you are good at what you enjoy doing. Yes, you are talented at that thing. Don’t second guess yourself.

3.      This is a biggie. There is no expectation. You don’t have the pressure to be the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend AND top sports team AND 100% grades AND, while we’re at it, superwoman/man.

4.      Most importantly it is such a critical time to shape who you are as a person.

 I’m gonna be honest, for a long time all through my early teen years I hated being single. All my friends were getting boyfriends and having their first kisses and walking around school together, and it sucked. Legit, it sucked. I felt so out of the loop. But as I got older, something slowly began to change. Although I had never been in relationship, I had seen my friends go through the highs and lows and the break ups, and I saw what an effect these guys had on my friends.

Most of these girls, all strong and beautiful women came out feeling lost and confused, questioning their value. Once again, I reiterate, these girls are stunning! The nicest, prettiest girls, but coming out of the relationship, most of them began to doubt themselves, their beauty and their worth.

 

Looking back now, I am so grateful that I HADN’T (yep, I said it, hard to believe I know) been in a relationship. Sure I would have learnt some really cool things, but I feel more content with myself now, and who I am as a person (I realise this is probably sounding very egotistic at the moment). I know what I like (skiing, writing, reading; if you were curious) and am still learning about the things I’m good at. That’s not to say there aren’t times now, where I wish I had a boyfriend to snuggle up to, of course I would love that, but I am learning that there is still so much I can learn in the place I am right now.

Let’s look at it like this:

If a relationship/business/church/event/whatever is going to function into its fullness, it NEEDS a solid foundation.

I.e.: The motives, goals and values of a company will determine the success of the company.

·         Clear and concise goals and objectives are the factors that change a ‘good’ organisation to a ‘successful’ organisation (learnt that in my PR lecture the other day.)

The same is to be said about a relationship. A relationship isn’t something that starts when you begin/meet someone. It actually starts now, with the most important person: YOU. And it is crucial to remember, that in a dating/engaged relationship you are your own person.

 

It is two INDIVIDUALS coming together, not two HALVES to make a whole, in a relationship.

 

The more I come to grips with this, the more I realise, that out of honour and respect for the guys I will date in future relationships, I need this time of Singledom, to sort myself out enough so I could come into a place where I could cope with my own baggage (insecurities, problems, trials) AND someone else’s.

SO maybe that’s where I leave you today, where are you in your relationship with the most important person in your life: YOU.

·         Are you chasing after the things (sports, academics, music, people etc.) because you love them, or because you feel it is out of obligation?

Lastly, you are actually awesome! I mean that. You are unique, and there is trueness and a beauty concealed within each of you. A little secret: you will like the ‘real’ you, AND so will others, just give them a chance to see it.

 

 

PS: if you’re in a relationship and reading this, kudos to you that’s awesome!!!  I’m sorry if I’ve made you long to be single again…actually, no I’m not. We hear all about how good you’re relationships are and you’re the reason we get jealous, so…yeah. Haha.

No hard feelings right?